Показаны сообщения с ярлыком JOKES. Показать все сообщения
Показаны сообщения с ярлыком JOKES. Показать все сообщения

среда, 11 мая 2011 г.

New Element in the Periodic Table



  • A new element called woman
  • A new element has to be added in the Periodic Table which is recommended by my experienced friend.
  • Element : Woman
  • Symbol : Wo
  • Discoverer : Adam Eden Garden
  • Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg; isotopes vary from 35 – 200 kg.
  • Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
  1. Surface usually covered with thin painted film
  2. Boils at room Temperature
  3. Freezes without any known reason
  4. Melts if given special treatment
  5. Bitter if incorrectly used
  6. Sweeter under certain conditions
  7. Found in various states, ranging from metals to common ore
  8. Ductile if molded properly
  9. Yields to pressure under tender touches
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
  1. Have great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances
  2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason
  3. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol
  4. Most powerful money non-reducing agent known to man
COMMON USES:
  1. Highly ornamental, especially in bikes and cars
  2. Can be a great aid to relaxation
  3. Very effective cleaning agent
TESTS:
  1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy
  2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen
AVAILABILITY:
  1. Available in wide different forms and varieties
  2. Can be easily seen in all busy areas
POTENTIAL HAZARDS:
  1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
  2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other
  • !!! WARNING !!! PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL HEMORRHAGE AND MENTAL DISTRESS

вторник, 3 мая 2011 г.

SMS dose




You can be casual within the relation,
but never be casual for the relation.


“When problems are so big and
your strength is no longer enough to carry them,
don’t give up.
Cause Where your strength ends,
the grace of GOD begins.”


The Two Most dangerous Weapons In
The World Other Than Nuclear Bombs
1. A Girl’s Smile
&
2. A Girl’s Tears.


Man to God:
“Please Give Me ‘Everything’
So That I Can Enjoy ‘Life’…”
God Smiled And Replied:
“I Have Given You
‘Life’To Enjoy ‘Everything’…”


We make thm cry who care 4 us,
We cry 4 those who never care 4 us
and we care 4 those who ll never cry 4 us.
Ths is d truth of life, its strange bt true.
once v realize it, its never too late 2 change


A Secretary came angrily out of boss cabin
colleague asked- Wt happened??
She replied
He asked me r u free 2nit? I said-yes & bas**rd give m 50 pages of work....


Kuch log haseen yadon ki tarah hote hain,
Jinhe yad kar k dil khush hojata hai Or
jinko bhulana na mumkin hai,
Ap unhi me se ek ka msg padh rahain hain.


AANKHOME NAMI HOTO PE HASI,
GAM KA KAHI NAAM NA HO,
JANMDIN KI TUMKO SAARI KHUSIYA MILE,
EN KHUSIYO KI KABHI SHAAM NA HO,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.


Sans lene se aapki yaad aati hai,
Na lene se meri jaan jati hai,
Kaise kahdoon ki sirf sans lene se zinda hoon,
Jab ki har sans se pahle aap ki yaad aati hai


Dosti achchi ho toh rang laati hai,
Dosti gehri ho toh sabko bhaati hai,
Dosti naadaan ho toh toot jaati hai,
Par agar dosti apne jaisi ho Toh itihaas banaati hai !


понедельник, 25 апреля 2011 г.

New SMSs


Judges Bunglow Road,AHMEDABAD. જજીસ બંગલો રોડ,અમદાવાદ.







Jadu HAi Teri Har 1 Baat Me
Yaad Bahut Aati Ho Din Aur Raat Me
Kal Jab Dekha Tha Maine Sapna Raat Me
Tab B Tera Hi Hath Tha Mere Haath Me
------------------------------------------------------Ahmedabad: Shock City of Twentieth-Century India
Wo Dur Hui To Ankh Milakr Ni Gyi
Wo Q Gyi Batakr Ni Gyi
Lagta H Wapis Abhi Laut Aygi
Wo Jate Hue Chirag Bujhakar Ni Gyi.
------------------------------------------------------
Aapki Dhadkan Se Hai Rishta Hamara,
Aapki Sanso Se Hai Naata Hamara,
Bhool Ke B Kabhi Bhool Na Jana,
Aapki Yaado Ke Sahare Hai Jeena Hamara.
------------------------------------------------------
The best relatnship is nt d 1 wch is free frm problem & misunderstanding, Its the one whr a Sorry & a Smile can make everythng perfect as b4
------------------------------------------------------
26Dec-Sunami
26Jan-Bhukamp
26Jun-Gujrat Floods
26Jul-Mumbai Train-Blast
26Nov-Mumbai Teror Atack
Next-26?



Msg Bhej Warna Tera Murder Hoga
------------------------------------------------------Bagu-Ahmedabad
Dil se Teri Yaad ko Juda To nahi kiya
Rakha jo Tujhe yaad bura to Nhi Kiya
Hum se tu hai Naraz kis Liye
Hum ne Kabhi tumko khafa to nhi kiya
------------------------------------------------------
Ladte H Par Jitna Nhi Chahte
Dosto Se Kbhi Bichadna Nhi Chahte
Haqiqat H Ki Juda Kregi Zindgi 1Din
Par Haqiqat Me Hum Wo Din Jina Nhi Chahte
------------------------------------------------------Christmas Dance Party
TeRe INTazaR
Ka Ye ALaM H

TaDapTa Hai DiL AakHeiN Bhi NaM H

TeRi AaRzoo
Me Jee RaHe H

WaRNa JeeNe Ki KhwaisH KaM H
------------------------------------------------------
Jan Ki Bazi Laga Di Juari Bankr
Dil Hatheli Pe Le Aye Pujari Bankar
Jis Roz Tere Mandir K Darwaze Khulenge
Mang Lenge Tumko Bhikari Bankr
------------------------------------------------------
Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you
------------------------------------------------------
I may be a person full of faults.
U will get hundred chances to leave me,
But,
just find that 'Single' reason 4 which u can stay wid me..
------------------------------------------------------
Thank you.


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MOVIE CINEMA HALL ME LAG GAYI.. JA K DEKH LE
-DEVHARSH(9662176491)

четверг, 21 апреля 2011 г.

:Gujarati Scraps:


પૈસાથી તમે મકાન ખરીદી શકો..............ઘર નહીં.
પૈસાથી તમે પલંગ ખરીદી શકો..............ઊંઘ નહીં.
પૈસાથી તમે ઘડીયાળ ખરીદી શકો..........સમય નહીં.
પૈસાથી તમે પુસ્તક ખરીદી શકો............. જ્ઞાન નહીં.
પૈસાથી તમે કપડા ખરીદી શકો..............સૌંદયૅ નહીં.
પૈસાથી તમે ખોરાક ખરીદી શકો.............પાચન નહીં.
પૈસાથી તમે હોદો ખરીદી શકો...............સન્માન નહીં.
પૈસાથી તમે લોહી ખરીદી શકો...............જીદગી નહીં.
પૈસાથી તમે દવા ખરીદી શકો...............તદુરસ્તી નહીં.
પૈસાથી તમે વીમો ખરીદી શકો..............સલામતી નહીં.
પૈસાથી તમે વસ્તુઓ ખરીદી શકો............આનંદ નહીં
    -------------xXx -------------

    ...પત્ની ચાલીસા........

    નમો- નમો પત્ની મહારાણી,
    તુમ્હારી મહિમા કોઈ નાં જાણી.... (૧)
    હમને સમજા તુમ અબલા હો,
    પર તુમ તો સબસે બડી બલા હો.... (૨)
    ...જિસ દિન હાથ મેં બેલણ આવે,
    ઉસ દિન પતિ ખુબ ચીલ્લાવે.... (૩)
    સારે પલંગ પે પત્ની સોવે,
    પતિ બૈઠ જમીન પર રોવે.... (૪)
    તુમસે હી ઘર મથુરા કાશી,
    ઔર તુમસે હી ઘર સત્યાનાશી.... (૫)
    પત્ની ચાલીસા જો પતિ ગાવે,
    સબ સુખ છોડ પરમ દુખ પાવ.... (૬)
    ભૂત પિશાચ નઝર આ જાવે,
    પત્ની જબ અસલી રૂપ મેં આવે.... (૭)

    ## FuN TiMe ##

    Guys are always Happy Creatures...

    Guys are always Happy Creatures....... WHY?
    Their last name stays with them forever,
    Phone Conversations last 30 sec flat,
    A 5-day vacation requires only one Jeans,
    If someone forgets to invite them, he can still be their friend,
    The same hairstyle lasts for years or even decades,
    They can do shopping for 25 relatives in 25 minutes,
    They don't freak out when they go to a party and see another man wearing the same shirt, instead, they become buddies...

    Pass this to Women Who can Digest it
    'n
    To Men Who'll Enjoy Reading.. !


    T20 & IPL ki wajah se crickt bahut improve hui hai hume bhi apna examination system improve karne ke liye xamz main yea stp lena chahiye-

    1) Har paper 1.30 hour ka and 50 marks ka ho,

    2) Har 30 Mints. ke baad discussion ke liye break ho,

    3) Hume 1 free hit di jaye jis mai studnt apni marzi ke 1 Q ka apni marzi se ans de,

    4) Pehle 20 mints ka power play jismai examinar hall se bahar rahe,

    5) Har correct ans pe Cheer girls aakar dance kare.


    пятница, 25 февраля 2011 г.

    TrAgeDies [fun]

    :------------------------------------ 

     tragedy in boys life..
     

    -good girls are not good looking
    -good looking are not good girls
    -good looking and good girls are not single


    :------------------------------------

    =- TRAGEDIES OF GIRLS LIFE -=-

    1- Good Boys R Not Good Looking =P

    2- Good Looking Boys R Not Good Boys =D

    3- Good Looking Boys R Not Single =S

    4- Good Looking, Good N Single Boys R Not Interested In This Stupid Stuff ... =P



    :------------------------------------


    biggest tragedy of youth

    girls are very good selectors but not "good lovers" !

    boys are very good lovers" but not "good selectors"


    :------------------------------------ 

    четверг, 17 февраля 2011 г.

    Engineer's Description of a Woman

    Engineer's Description of a Woman

    Occurrence:
    Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic single state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas.

    Physical properties:
    Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely nothing and freezes at a moments notice. Totally unpredictable. Melts when properly treated, very bitter if not well used. Found in many states ranging from virgin metal to common ore. Non-magnetic, but attracted to coins and sports cars. In its natural state the specimen varies considerably, but is often changed artificially so well that the change is indiscernible except to the experienced eye.

    Chemical properties:
    Has great affinity for Au, Ag, and C (especially in the crystalline form). May give violent reaction if left alone. Will absorb great amounts of food matter. Highly desired reaction is initiated with various reagents such as C(2)-H(5)-OH and sexy aftershave. An essential catalyst is often required (must say that you love her at least 5 times daily). Reaction accelerates out of control when in dark and all reaction conditions are suitable. Extremely difficult to react if in the highly stable pure form. Yields to pressure applied to correct points. The reaction is highly exothermic.

    Storage:
    The best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25 years.

    Uses:
    Highly ornamental. Used as a tonic for low spirits. Used on cold nights as a heating agent (if properly prepared).

    Tests:
    Specimen turns rosy tint if discovered in raw natural state. Turns green if placed beside a better specimen.

    Caution:
    Most powerful reducing agent known to man (income and ego). Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Specimen must be used with great care if experiments are to succeed. It is illegal to posses more than one permanent specimen, although a certain amount of exchange is permitted

    THE SCIENCE OF KISSING

    There is a general feeling in the public that IISc/IIT students are fundu,
    unassumingly lost in thought almost all the time. And girls fare no better
    in this respect. So let us see what a Non IISc/IITain may face when he
    marries a girl from this campus.

    SCENE: First night of the marriage.

    CHARACTERS: IISc/IIT Bride and Non IISc/IIT Groom.

    The Groom approaches the Bride and proposes to kiss her. So let us see what

    would be her reaction..


    GIRL FROM DEPT OF PHYSICS:

    "Well kissing is relative. You can kiss me with respect to me or with
    respect to you. First define how you are going to kiss. You can kiss me by
    treating me in the same reference frame as you are or treating me in a
    different inertial frame by producing waves of motion through your lips.
    How do you prefer?

    The guy faints.


    GIRL FROM DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:

    "Kissing is fine. You can kiss me provided you satisfy the following
    conditions.
    Necessary conditions: You should be close to me by a distance delta where
    delta is greater than zero and the limit for delta tends to zero and you
    satisfy the closure property.
    Sufficient conditions: You should have lips. Where the number of lips is
    neither more than two nor less than two. You can also kiss by defining your
    hand to be me if and only if you satisfy the above conditions.

    The guy goes mad.

    GIRL FORM ECOLOGICAL SCIENCES:

    "Oh Kissing, that is interesting phenomena that occurs in nature.  This is

    an initiating process for sex not only found in homosapiens but also in all
    heterosapiens, mammals, camels, vertebrates, invertebrates and insects. Out
    of 1000 ants observed in a closed laboratory in Zuvinich in Yugoslavia 90%
    of them seem to involve in the process of kissing but the subsequence is
    very random with probability 0.672139 that a male ant kiss female
    ant. First observe the behaviour of ants and cockroaches under various
    conditions. That will be very interesting . Isn't it?


    The guy has heart attack.


    GIRL FROM CS (Computer Science):

    "You want to kiss me. That is fine I assume that you know the algorithm for
    that very well. But you have to complete the process within 56.22 seconds
    or else connection will be timed out.  To optimise the timing lets do
    parallel processing. As we have to discuss about our future and other
    things, let us do the process of discussion foreground and why can't you
    put the process of Kissing background?"

    The guy applies for divorce.

    GIRL from EE (Electrical Engineering):

    "So you would like to kiss me. The process of kissing is an age old
    communication process. The information content of the signal transmitted
    from one pair of lips to the other is more if the probability of the event
    (of kissing) is less. Hence take care.  If you want a successful
    communication between us, you should kiss me less often. If the information
    content is to be infinite, you should never kiss me at all!"

    The guy is found hanging from a fan next day

    Engineering College Jokes

    4 sal lagte hain Insan ko Engineer ban'ne main

    .

    .
    ...
    Phir chahe sari zindagi laga raha,

    Wo dubara Insan nahi ban sakta. :-)

    Dedicate to all Engineers.
    :------------------------------------------
    Highly Disappointing Situations For Students.
    1.Ur Bestfrnd Weds Ur Lover.
    2.10 Mark Question Asked For 2 Mark.
    3.Principal Sitting Near U On Tour.
    4.Xtremly Gud Lukin Guy/Gal
    Crosing U When U Are With Ur Mom.
    5.Teachers Distributing Ur Test Papers
    In Front Of Ur Juniors
    :------------------------------------------
     Ek 6okro Engineer thai gayo
    Kitli ni cha pito pito have kofi pito thae gayo
    jeans t-shirt ma farto
    aje formal paherto thae gayo
    kale chokrini pa6al bhagto hto
    aje company pa6al bhagto thae gayo
    roj kolej ni canteen ma jalsa thi nasto karto
    aje thandu tiffin khato thae gayo
    "pulsar" n "karizma" fervato chokro
    bicharo s.t. bus ma up-down karto thay gyo...
    To pan loko garv thi khe 6...
    Wah tamaro chokro "Engineer" thay gyo!
    :------------------------------------------
     Woh College ke din.... Kuch baate bhuli hui, kuch pal beete hue, Har galti ka ek naya bahana, aur fir sabki nazar me aana, Exam ki puri raat jagna, fir bhi sawal dekhke sar khujana, Mauka mile to class bunk marna, fir doston k sath canteen jana USKI ek jhalak dekhane roj college jana, usko dekhte dekhte attendance bhul jana, Har pal hai naya sapna, aaj jo tute fir bhi hai apna, Ye college ke din, In lamho me jindagi jee bhar ke jeena, Yaad karke in palon ko, Fir jindagi bhar muskurana
    :------------------------------------------
     Top two Engineering Rumors:
    a) ‘Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm’
    b) ‘Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks, it’s been put up at Main Notice Board’
    :------------------------------------------
     Before COMPUTERS entered our lives!
    MEMORY was something u lost wit age,
    APPLICATION was for employment,
    PROGRAM was a tv show,
    KEYBOARD was a piano,
    WEB was a spiders home,
    VIRUS was the flu,
    MOUSE was an animal
    HARD DRIVE was a long trip on d road.

    Unbelievable change!! :)
    :------------------------------------------

    Engineering N Medical College Principals
    Argued That Their Students Are Fearless…
    Medical Colg’s Principal
    Called His 2 Studnts N Told Them
    To Jump In The SEA Full Of Sharks..
    They Jumped…
    The Principal Said:
    See Da Guts

    Engineering Colg’s Principal
    Called 2 Students And Told Them To Jump…
    They Said “Pagal Hai Kya Budhay….?? ”
    The Principal Said:
    See Da Guts =P ;->
    :------------------------------------------

    Parents To A College Watchman:
    Is This College Good..?
    Watchman:
    Probably The Best
    I Did My Engineering Here
    &
    Got Immediate Placement
    :------------------------------------------

    A Father Asks Peon:
    How Are The Studies In This College?
    Where Do I See My Son In Future?
    Peon:
    The Future Is Bright
    I Had Also Completed My Engineering
    From The Same College!
    :------------------------------------------
    Old Man School K Principal Se:
    Zara Papu Ko Bula Dein
    Principal:
    Aap Kon?
    Old Man:
    Mai Uska Dada
    Principal:
    Wo Chutti Leker Ap K Janazay Mai Gaya Hai.
    :------------------------------------------
    Famous Pakistani Actress Meera Is Opening A College..
    The Name
    Of The College Is..
    Women College For Boys
    :------------------------------------------

    1 Hand On Pen The Other On Phone,
    1 Ear On Lecture The Other On The Classmates,
    1 Eye On Board The Other On Next Seated Friend’s Notebook,
    1 Foot On Ground & 1 On Friend’s New Shoes,
    Face Full With Respect 4 Teacher & Heart Full With Abuses,
    Eyes Lowered On Punishment But Morale HIGH At Heart,
    Attention To Lecture But Concentration On Songs Being Played Through Ear-Plugs…!
    WHO SAID STUDENTS’ LIFE IS EASY
    :------------------------------------------

    Height Of Confidence
    Once Many Profesors
    Were Called N Asked
    To Sit In An Aeroplane…
    After They Sat,
    They Were Informed That
    The Plane Is Made By
    Their Students,
    All Of Them Ran N Got
    Out Of The Plane Except
    One …
    People Asked Him The
    Reason …
    He Said:
    “If It Is Made By My Students,
    It Won’t Even Start ..” =P ;->
    :------------------------------------------

    Sardar:
    College Ki Ladki Se Bola
    I Love U!
    Ab Tum Mujhe Bolo
    Girl:
    Mai Abhi Ja K Sir Ko Bolti Hun
    Sardar :
    Pagal Ki Buchi Sir Ko Mat Bol
    Unki Shadi Ho Gai Hai
    :------------------------------------------
     
    Aik Pagal Dosray Pagal Say:
    Tum Kis Din Paida Howay?
    Dosra Pagal:
    Itwar Ko.
    Pehla Pagal:
    Tum Mujay Pagal Bana Rahay Ho
    Itwar Ko To Choti Hoti Hay
    Ha Ha
    :------------------------------------------
     
    Ek Pagal Doosry Pagal Se
    (Mayoosi K Sath)

    Sab Log Hamen Pagal Kyon Kehty Hain?
    Doosra Pagal:
    Too Dafa Kr Yaar. . .
    Ye Ley Leemo Ki Lasi Pi.
    :------------------------------------------
    The Years of Engineering
    F.E. Fond of Engineering
    S.E. Sick Of Engineering
    T.E. Tired of Engineering
    Is it worth it???
    :------------------------------------------

    Engineers Anthem:
    Hum Honge All Clear,
    Honge All Clear,
    Honge All Clear Ek Din,
    OH-HO, Mann me hai vishwas,
    Pura hai vishwas,
    Hum hoge all clear ek din.
    :------------------------------------------

    Top two Engineering Rumours:
    a) ‘Did you hear the results are being put up today at 5:30pm’
    b) ‘Did you hear the exams are postponed by two weeks, it’s been put up at Main Notice Board’ 
    :------------------------------------------
    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
    Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
    The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
    :------------------------------------------
     Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?
    The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
    The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

    четверг, 3 февраля 2011 г.

    Baby's Delivery according to Corporate World

    1) Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

    2) Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.

    3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

    4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

    5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

    6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; They'll produce a child with zero resources.

    7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

    8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

    And lastly...

    9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.

    Software engineer and his wife ..

    Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

    Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
    Husband - hard disk full.

    Wife - have you brought the saree.
    Husband - Bad command or file name.

    Wife - but I told you about it in morning
    Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

    Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
    Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

    Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
    Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

    Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
    Husband - data type mismatch.

    Wife - you are useless.
    Husband - by default.

    Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
    Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

    Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
    Husband - the only user with write permission.

    Wife - what is my value in your life?
    Husband - unknown virus detected.

    Wife - do you love me or your computer?
    Husband - Too many parameters..

    Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
    Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.

    Wife - I will leave you forever.
    Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

    Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
    Husband - shut down the computer.

    Wife - I am going
    Husband - Its now safe to turn off your
    computer

    четверг, 6 января 2011 г.

    value added PJs

    Boy:mere sath chalogi!
    Girl:Kidhar?
    Boy:Ap jidhar bole udhar
    Girl:thik he, shopping chalte he
    Boy:Kasam se DIDI apse majak Karna bi guna he 

    :----------------------------------------------
    Boy1: Dude i got a new car, a laptop and a mobile.

    Boy2: Cool brother, what does your father do?






    Boy1: He sells ONIONS.!  

    :---------------------------------------------- 

    Aasman me tum, pani me tum, zameen pe tum, hawa me tum, jaha jao waha tum. Wo dettol wali aunty sahi kehati hai 'Kitanu har jaga hota hai' 
    :---------------------------------------------- 

    If u Regularly msg ur frnds,U Won't Gt any Response.Bt if U msg thm frm Unknown No.Evry1 vl Respond
    Ppl hv time 4 Unknown bt not known  

    :---------------------------------------------- 

    Latest Q:
    Mere paas facebook hai, orkut hai, twitter hai....
    tere paas kya hai..?

    smart answer:


    .
    .
    .
    .
    mere paas "aur B Kaam hai" 

    :---------------------------------------------- 

    There Is Always Another Chance For Everything In Life,

    But There Is No Chance Of Another Life,

    Value Life & Enjoy Life.  

    :---------------------------------------------- 

    Sardar:ye TV ka rate Kya hai?
    Salesman: 1lakh Rs
    Sardar:why anythin Special?
    Sal:Light chali gayi to Automatic off ho Jayega
    S:oho,pack it 

    :---------------------------------------------- 

    Anything that happens is for a good reason
    & Anything that doesnt happen is only for very good reason
    Trust these words U'll love ur life  

    :---------------------------------------------- 

    Small sentence with lot of meaning:

    "Every human in d world is blind 2 their own faults." 

    :---------------------------------------------- 

    Rajnikant was playing CHESS..
    He moved his QUEEN
    near 2 his ROOK..
    NEXT DAY'S HEADLINE NEWS
    STATUE OF LIBERTY found near 2 QUTUB MINAR  

    :---------------------------------------------- 

    How do frnz help us in problems??
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Dey giv d most stupid suggestns dat wil make us laugh and forget the prblm..:-) 
     
    :---------------------------------------------- 

    When unexpected situations come in front of U, what does it mean?
    It means that U are moving ahead faster than U expected... 

    :---------------------------------------------- 

    Many Crushes n Flirts r bettr den one True Love.Coz Monopoly is always damaging & Competition always improv efficiency.Pure Economics Theory  
    :---------------------------------------------- 

    The most active person in the world -1 who inventd alarm.

    The laziest person in the world - 1 who invented snooze in alarm


    Be lazy & njoy

    вторник, 28 декабря 2010 г.

    Management Lesson

    Management Lesson

    One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

    At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight,built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

    Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next.

    This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

    By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!"

    The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"

    With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

    Management Lesson: "Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one."

    A letter to Bill Gates from santa singh

    -----------------------

    0diggsdigg
    A letter to Bill Gates from santa singh


    Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

    This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer

    for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your

    notice.

    1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and

    whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ******

    appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but

    we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware

    vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.

    Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I

    request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

    2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down '

    button.

    3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request

    you to check this.

    4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run '

    has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so

    that we can click that by sitting.

    5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find

    only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

    6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost

    the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find',

    but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

    7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from

    CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

    8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning

    'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect

    ur money.

    9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

    Drunk Driver

    Drunk Driver


    A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

    ''I can't do that, officer.''

    ''Why not?''

    ''Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.''

    ''Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station.''

    ''Can't do that either, officer.''

    ''Why not?''

    ''Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.''

    ''Alright, we could get a blood sample.''

    ''Can't do that either, officer.''

    ''Why not?''

    ''Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.''

    ''Fine then, just walk this white line.''

    ''Can't do that either, officer.''

    ''Why not?''

    ''Because I'm drunk.''

    SheilaPedia






    :-----------------------------------------------------
    AND THE ORIGINAL ;)







    :-----------------------------------------------------
    Jab reshma ki jawani aayi tab hm bachhe the

    Ab shiela ki jawani aayi to hm Bache wale he

    Uff ye Ladkiya sahi waqt pe jawan Q nhi hoti 
     :-----------------------------------------------------
    "Tees Maar Khan"
    Has Been DecLared
    Tax Free In DeLhi AFTer
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    !
    C.M.SHIELA DIXIT
    LisTened The Song!
    "SHIELA KI JAWAANI"  
    :-----------------------------------------------------
    <('.')>
    /"\
    _/"\_
    Ye He SHEILA
    AB YE NACHEGI
    .

    .

    .
    Nach SHEILA Nach!

    .
    .
    NACHI KYA..?


    Nahi
    SORRY!
    SHEILA SASTE MOBILE Me NAHI NACHTI 

    :-----------------------------------------------------
    Sir:-Mai 1 poem sunata hu,tum puri krna
    "Bundele harbolo ke muh humne suni khani thi
    khub ladi mardani Wo to??Boy:ShIeLa kI jAwAnI thi..:-) 
     :-----------------------------------------------------
    Dad (caught his s0n watching 'Shiela ki jawani s0ng') "Padh le beta!
    Sheela to Exam ke bad bhi jawan rahegi !":)  
    :-----------------------------------------------------
    Ab Padhai Mushkil Hi Nh Namumkin Ho Gayi

    Qki
    .
    .
    Phele to MUNNI Badnaam hui
    .
    .
    Aur Ab ye Saali SHIELA Jawan ho Gyi. 
     :-----------------------------------------------------
    Ek premi ne apni Premika k liye shayari likhi: Kya Teri Chaal aur Kya Teri Leela? Kya Teri Chaal aur Kya Teri Leela? Mai Tera Teesmaarkhan aur Tu Meri Sheila!
     :-----------------------------------------------------
    Agar Sheila kuchh din pehle jawan hoti . . Wah wah . . Agar Sheila kuchh din pehle jawan hoti . . . Toh . . munni thodi kam badnam hoti..
     :-----------------------------------------------------
    "CID ROCKS AGAIN"

    Tanhaai mein satati hai uski yaad aise
    Tanhai me satati hai uski yaad aise
    , pata lagao ki SHIELA JAWAAN hui to hui kaise   
     :-----------------------------------------------------

     :-----------------------------------------------------
    :-----------------------------------------------------